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Find L'Amour interview

Find L'Amour interview

Find L'Amour interview - kindness and generosity are the keys to a healthy relationship

Kindness and generosity are the keys to a healthy relationship

It is our great pleasure to bring you an interview with a matchmaker Katarina Nemcova, a Founder of an exclusive matchmaking agency Find L’Amour headquartered in Prague. Katarina is a former headhunter and Marketing & Communications Manager of international companies. Apart from the Czech Republic, she lived in the US, UK, Denmark, Taiwan and China. We just caught her in the south of Spain at the meditation retreat near Vélez-Málaga and had a very open and inspiring chat with her. Enjoy the read!

Hi Katarina. It’s been a year since we last talked. Within that year you made Find L’Amour a number one matchmaking agency in the Czech Republic and Slovakia and now you are focusing on the British and American markets. What nationalities are your clients right now?

At the moment I have people of 30 different nationalities in my database. My major female clientele are Central European, especially Czech and Slovak. My male clients are from all over the world. However, I have a global mind and after having traveled the world I feel close to many nationalities from the Australians through the Asians and Europeans to the Americans. I don’t really care where the person is from as long as they have an added value and can be a good match for someone.  Since I am originally Slovak and currently based in Prague, naturally most of my clients are Czechs and Slovaks. Of course other nationalities are very welcome to join the Find L’Amour matchmaking world too. What matters to me is the specific person, not their nationality. 

 

However, there are probably some nationalities more and less popular than the others, aren’t there?

I hate generalizing, but if you really want me to generalize, I would say that Slovak and Czech women belong to most wanted women in the world. Half of those women want someone from the same culture, ideally of the same nationality, another half is open to a relationship with a foreigner, usually from western Europe. Italians, French, British and Swiss are generally considered to be some of the best catches, but this all depends on the specific lady’s preferences. Due to the threat of islamic terrorism most of women tend to be scared of men from the islamic cultures. Personally, I am finding xenophobic thinking disturbing. I do know some men from islamic cultures who do not practice any religion and are very decent people treating everyone no matter their faith with respect. However, some clients automatically put them into the same category as Muslims. For example, I work with one extremely smart Christian gentleman from Egypt living in Prague who I have known for over a year. He has so many qualities women look for and appreciate in men, however he cannot find a partner because of where he comes from. It is sad and unfair. I do hope that one day people will be more open and less prejudiced and judgmental and will trust their inner selves rather than the corrupted media.

 

What kind of questions should one ask themselves before jumping into the relationship?

I learnt to ask myself a few questions before making the decision to start the relationship. I find them very useful, hopefully your readers will do too: “What could develop from this? Are our values, worldview, culture and backgrounds compatible? Do we really understand each other, or does he/she simply want a partner and I am just bored and attracted by something exotic or different? Will we be able to give each other joy and freedom and bring happiness to others, in the long run as well as now? Are we coming together as the people that we really are, or are we playing roles that are just “in” and make us look hip? Although it is natural to rate myself as highly as possible, do I have a steady core that someone can rely on? If too many of the answers are “no”, there is no law against enjoying the beautiful face or a strong (and hopefully healthy) body, but ideally without losing too much time, focus, freedom, or getting pregnant (laugh). 

 

Many people get scared when they hear adjectives such as “exclusive”, “ultimate”, “luxurious”, “integrated” or “high-end” which are all connected with your service. What would you say to those who automatically think they will not be able to afford your services?

It is not about money. Those who are not in a rush and don’t mind waiting can just “sit and wait” in the free extended database until someone pays for them. It can take weeks, months or years. They might get lucky one day. However, I always suggest people to take full control of their lives and run their lives instead of letting it run them. The more effort you make to find the true love, the higher chances. If love is your priority and you expect specific service within a specific timeframe which will take a certain amount of time and energy, whether mine or my team members’, it is natural to pay just like you pay for any other type of service. Although we have many upper middle class clients, we don't want to be an agency for the top 5% only. Our private matchmaking packages are tailor-made and adjusted to each person’s possibilities.    

 

What do you like most about leading an exclusive matchmaking agency?

It might sound like a cliche but as a hopeless romantic who loves people I really enjoy the thrill of two beautiful people meeting each other, dating, inspiring, motivating each other and eventually getting married and bringing up children. I also enjoy relationship counseling. In this fast and crazy world people tend to give up relationships as soon as the first challenges appear. Sometimes it takes many years for them to understand that what they are actually running from is themselves. Openness, kindness, honesty with oneself and a partner, a will to work with ones’ disturbing emotions can often save the relationship. As for the business part, I like coming up with new exciting projects and bringing our services close to perfection. What I am trying to get better at is looking for sponsors and investors. We are working on big projects in Find L’Amour but we do need major financial injections to execute them.

 

Do you prefer working with men or women and why?

In private matchmaking I prefer working with men. They keep the bird’s perspective, they are less pushy, more patient and more grateful once it works out. As for coaching and therapies, it is easier to work with women since they are much more open to these things. At least that’s my experience.

 

What does a matchmaker do outside of work?

For me - and this is my strength and weakness in one - most of the time there isn’t such a thing like work and outside of work. Most of what I do all day long is thinking (laugh)… Most of my activities are very closely connected to networking, headhunting, psychology and matchmaking. Just like an excellent headhunter, an excellent matchmaker must be ready 24/7. I don’t mind, I find it natural and enjoyable. I always keep my eyes open and make new contacts all the time. You never know who you can come across, even at your free time which in my case is mostly about traveling, sports, self-development, cultural and art events (mostly theater and jazz concerts), relaxing at wellness, and spending time with my family, partner and friends. The most precious “me” time is in the evening when I meditate.

 

You are a Buddhist, how are teachings about karma (cause and effect) helpful in a relationship?

Buddhist teachings offer a practical understanding of the causality guiding one’s connections in life. Free of moralistic finger-wagging, they explain which thoughts, words and actions will bring about which outcomes in life. This knowledge enables people to take the future into their own hands. It gives them the tools they need to actively do the things that cause joy for themselves and others. Thus karma, which in no way means “fate” or “destiny”, is one’s good friend. It gives people the unique and immense freedom to consistently sow the seeds of the fruit they later want to harvest. Hence, with love, one is also constantly planting the seeds for the success or failure of a partnership, and knowing this, we are especially responsible for the happiness or suffering of those who have opened up to us. The increased intimacy in love relationships leads to an exceptionally fast ripening of both partners’ good and bad impressions in mind. 

 

You often talk about two kinds of love. What are those?

There are two different concepts associated with such a flexible word like “love”: attachment and generosity. The first concept of conventional, self-centered “expecting” or demanding relationship can be called the “taking love”. It leads to feelings of attachment, jealousy and childish self-absorption. If you live this concept, space becomes very obstructed and impoverished, you live in the past or future and the focus is on controlling anything new and fresh. One invests energy in situations and feelings that are at times joyful, other times painful, and ultimately will offer nothing lasting and meaningful. In an emotional state full of expectations and worries, one never experiences richness of what actually happens here and now, and thus can neither realize happiness nor enjoy it. The excessive attachment toward one’s partner where one expects their partner to make them happy diverts both people from spiritual growth and mutual development and usually ends up as a disaster. 

On the other hand, the concept of the “giving love” where one is happy when the partner is happy, with a free mindset of a civilized balanced person where there is a lot of kindness, no dramas and where love expresses itself as a liberating and giving attitude, it is all about encompassing the whole enjoyable realm of love, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. It is important from the very beginning of the relationship to observe what kind of love is emerging and act accordingly.  

 

How can you tell whether one is happy in the relationship?

One is happy in a generous relationship where they can grow on three levels: on the physical level, which gives love, material things and protection; on the inner level - through compassion and wisdom - which provides the motivation for spiritual development; and on a deep-lying, secret level where both partners enrich themselves with the qualities of the other and increasingly find their center. This is especially noticeable in really well-balanced couples, and their children will also carry the resulting trust as a constant blessing and are unusually confident and easy-going. A successful partnership thrives because of the willingness of both to place the well-being of the other above their own. When the man makes the woman a queen and she treats him like a king, their noble style dissolves any limits for growth. With this enriching approach, a living, completing love will emerge and one plus one will be more than two.

 

Could you please give our readers some hints how to work with disturbing emotions and thus positively affect their relationships?

There are five main disturbing emotions - ignorance, desire, anger, pride and jealousy. Different combinations of these emotions can create 84000 conditioned, suffering states of consciousness. Best way to get rid or at least to reduce anger is compassion and patience. Practicing generosity and sharing happiness removes desire. If you are ignorant, identifying the interconnectedness of all occurring phenomena might help. If you develop pride, be aware that all beings have the same basic nature and nature does not know such a thing like “equal and more equal”. If you feel jealous, wish others everything good. There are three levels of mastering disturbing emotions: 1. consciously avoid the circumstances that trigger the disturbing emotions, 2. recognize their impermanence and apply their antidotes, 3. ignore them; realize their true essence as wisdom as they fade away; see all energy as basically enlightened and utilize it.  

 

Where can your potential clients find you?

At the moment I spend 70% of my time in Prague however I often travel to meet my clients. I might be spending more time in the UK and the US in the upcoming years. But nothing is set in stone, I am open and flexible. Most of my team, mostly coaches, therapists and life-style designers are based in the Czech republic and Slovakia, however we are growing and we should have stable teams in a few capital cities in Europe as well as a few international cities outside Europe within a few years’ time.